What are they?
Google says it's "a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line."
Positive psychology goes further and describes, "Healthy boundaries define what is appropriate behavior in our relationships – behavior that keeps both parties safe."
Imagine a tennis court. There is a net that divides you from your opponent, and lines on the court to let you know where your partners domain is, where you should be. The lines tell us what it is "in" or "out." Boundaries do just that. They are a guide to let you and others know what is appropriate, what is tolerable and what is not allowed. This can guide how you interact with others, and how you stick up for yourself. How you make sure you keep yourself safe.
Emotional boundaries can include putting limits on what responsibility you will take for other peoples output (emotions, attitude, behavior). If someone is making a choice, it is important that we do not assume responsibility and guilt for their choices and actions. All too often, we take on responsibility and blame ourselves for others actions. They didn't go to work, so I need to pay their bills (it is their responsibility to go to work so they can pay rent) for example.
Boundaries related to how we chose to spend our time can put limits on what you say yes to. Are you overwhelmed with time commitments? It seems easy to say yes to everyone but we don't realize that we are unintentionally saying no to our own needs.
Imagine a perfect day or moment. Mine includes a glass of wine, bath and some calming music. Now ask yourself, when was the last time you allowed yourself that moment? For many of us, it's been too long. Our calendar is so full, we have no time for a "date with ourselves."
Boundaries can be flexible, hard and fast, or somewhere in between. Sometimes we have more stamina to help others while taking care of ourselves so we can say yes more. Sometimes I have to say no to allow myself time to nap. Some boundaries we stick to no matter what, no one is allow to talk to me in a certain way, etc.
If we don't have (and know what they are) and respect our own boundaries, we can let others control us, our decisions, our emotions
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